I should really be drinking something when I type this, but I'm already a nutter as it is so no real point.
you know it is kind of a pain, wanting to help someone but you are limited in what you can do, so you only can either see them stumble, fall over and get back up or see them fall into an abyss of their own demise, may it be slowly turning into a recluse or something far worse. You can give them a few words of advice and a few of kindness, whether they follow on with that is another thing and there is the ever typical "haven't been in their shoes" type scenario, well no I can't I been in a really bad positions, nor do I know much, but i have seen enough to know what to do.
But I ask myself "if you go out to save someone's arse, who's gonna save yours?"
I'm not the best person for the job but I try - whether that is having a go or trying someone's patience is up for debate.
This world isn't as selfless as it once was, more people hide within themselves, not to mention, the seekers of help might have other thoughts - thus putting you in deeper shit
So one has to question themselves the difference between whether one can do so and whether is it is correct moment to do so - like seeing a man with a wounded arm but he is in a livid state, can you help? So it sometimes just best to walk on and not get involved, that annoys me as I have been taught at a young age to help others and be good, yet the world has changed so much it can now cause more harm than good, also being the other reason why I get irritated by seeing buskers on the street
I have my flaws, I live with them
it is just sad to see someone else in their own turmoil and all you can do is walk by,

part of me wants to go back to the old school yard fights - I'm missing brawls. yeah I never won, but I had a go atleast. I'm tougher now, mentally and physically, but then again, so are they. I don't want to pick a fight, it's not in my nature. But I want to prove myself, I want a challenge... But brawn and might can only take you so far and quite possibly land oneself into prison and that's one position I don't want to be in, the other being I don't want to someone's prison bitch (in the politest manner of saying it, of course)

the other matter being about thoughts on life's longevity
it is something about us as a specie's and as living animals we have we automatically choose a self preservation choice, why is it we decide to keep ourselves going? what is taken away from us to no longer wish to choose that option anymore? (let us negate "self sacrifice" in this context) guilt? digust? humilation? honour? (ok that last one i percieve to be considered simmlar to self sacrifice in its own way)
And what of harm to oneself? this is an even broader spectrum than just caused by self infliction, but by sports and other hobbies that be considered extreme to others
I know I am one to do so but on a different perspective, I have broken both my hands and cut open my knuckles hitting things in anger and I do mountain biking and icehockey both which i have been severely injured by and nearly had my head ran over (biking incident XD)
do we do so acidentally? do we do so on purpose? why? do we comprehend there is a possibility we can get worse from doing so? what makes us from wanting live a life of nothing in a bubble? (as dumb as that question sounds, a legitimate question nonetheless)
and the scars that get left behind, how would one deal with them afterwards?

the past few years made me realise people of rank or of authority don't always deserve respect, they can be scum just like anyone else, but you cannot do anything major about it.

sometimes I think the playing field should be even out, but even then, we would still be playing on a slope

time is limited by our patience and patience is limited by our time, thus a vicious circle

oh and I realise that money stinks! both literally and figuratively
withdrew some cash out, brand new notes and they have a putrid smell about them

now onto something funny, I probably spoken of this before but can't remember
this bloke i know of appears to be a tough man, the kind you definitely don't want to pick a fight with (oh that stands true even without the appearance), he was telling me he has an issue about other guys of smaller size walking by him they sort of stick their arm out trying to appear even larger than him, he calls it the puffer fish affect
I thought of it as odd and not really thought much of it
untill one day I I was walking with him through a town and this fella (much smaller in appearance), walked by him and started widening his arms out and his walking stance, I was gob smacked by this and cracked up laughing afterwards.

now onto the reccomendations
some of you guys have probably already seen them from me
but this time they are now going to be spewed onto to the page for anyone and everyone
this is my thoughts on the NRA's proposal for gun control [link]
[link] this has a very good reasoning behind it and a ripper of a poem at the end
[link]
this next three are just nice songs and the lead singer has an amazing voice considering how much of a cock he can be
[link]
[link]
[link]
and lastly
[link] because the caution ending made me laugh

since I'm out of words of wisdom/fortune cookies
I shall use word of wisdom from the legendary Mr. Garbaflop
"Peeing in the cold is probably not the best idea, but it might be worthwhile if under the snow is something of value."

I'm gonna set myself a goal
I wish to travel to far way places, not just to visit the fridge!

note: this is an open journal not purposely directed at anyone, just me being extremely tired